"Closing Time...Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

...
My YAV year has officially ended, and I am back home in Birmingham!  Oh, how it does not seem real. As I unpack my things and settle into a routine in a familiar yet unfamiliar place I struggle to process the year.

After welcoming so many loving people into my life that have become my family it is difficult walking away from them. I was blessed to be a part of two fantastic congregations that I cannot say enough wonderful things about.  During my last week of work I had many goodbye festivities and prayers prayed over me. I felt incredibly blessed but couldn't help feeling deeply sad. A year is really just enough to get your feet wet. It’s funny because I feel like I was just starting to get comfortable, just starting to find my footing, to finally form meaningful relationships, and now I have to leave and make sense of it all. I am happy to take what I have learned back home and start a new chapter in my life. But it is difficult to leave the city knowing that even when I come back to visit it will feel so very different. I know I have planted seeds and may not necessarily see the harvest.

My YAV family :)

I hope to never forget the spirit and light of the people in New Orleans. People there know what it means to be alive, to suffer, and to celebrate. Everyone is family. It is a place where I started to crawl out of my comfort zone and hear and see people for who they truly were. Homelessness became a real issue close to my heart as my eyes were opened to people too often judged and ignored. I realized what living in a community with five other people does for your patience/sanity but also for your heart and soul. I know what it means to laugh until you can't breath, to cry with someone else until your own heart aches, to see the Beloved shining through another human being.  I learned to take my faith in God more seriously, to reach out and love people, and to be a person that can be loved.  I learned to be a part of something much bigger than myself, humbled by my own humanity. I hope to carry this spirit with me.

Thank you to everyone who took this journey with me and who supported, encouraged, and appreciated me along the way. I could not have done it alone. The journey isn't over, just moving locations for awhile. I will keep you updated on where God takes me next. So stay tuned!! God Bless each of you.

-Katie-

"But what I would like to say is that the spiritual life is a life in which you gradually learn to listen to a voice that says something else, that says, "You are the beloved and on you my favour rests."... I want you to hear that voice. It is not a very loud voice because it is an intimate voice. It comes from a very deep place. It is soft and gentle. I want you to gradually hear that voice. We both have to hear that voice and to claim for ourselves that that voice speaks the truth, our truth. It tells us who we are. That is where the spiritual life starts - by claiming the voice that calls us the beloved."
Henri J. M. Nouwen  

The Countdown to the end...the beginning...or perhaps a beautiful mixture of both

So. Here we are. I have only about a month and a half left in New Orleans. I can barely, barely believe it. It hit me today like a bullet to the temple. I was just typing up the bulletin at Faith Pres when all of a sudden, I realized how soon I was going to be gone and how much I am going to miss New Orleans. I have met so many beautiful people. This city has captured me with its spirit of resilience and its outpouring of love. 

I have been focused on going home, having my own bedroom/bathroom, seeing old friends, seeing my parents, and figuring out the next step. I have been dealing with a lot of conflicts lately and have lost my grip on the bigger picture.  Today, I can feel the sharp pain of goodbye shooting up my limbs, spreading across my heart as the weeks burn away quickly like wax dripping down a candle. I've had to say goodbye many times in my life. When I left high school, I said goodbye to friends, family, and my comfortable child life. At the end of the summer when I worked at Ghost Ranch, I had to say goodbye to the breathtaking, open desert landscape and the awesome group of people I had met there. When I graduated college, I had to say goodbye to four years of amazing times with amazing friends.  But saying goodbye to this city, this experience, these people...it shakes me harder than I thought it ever would.


I have started to reflect on this year and what it means. The next month will be full of goodbye parties, closing events, last days. I don't want to get caught in the whirlwind of last times/goodbyes/endings but rather hold on to everything that I have become while here. I must look at these people for who they are and what they've given me. I've been pulled out of my comfort zone. I've been challenged. I've made plenty of mistakes. I've had plenty of bad days, plenty of situations I could have handled better. I've been a bad roommate at times. I haven't been super YAV.  I've gotten frustrated. I've lost my way. BUT,  I've also had some incredible adventures, laughed until I cried, ate some amazing food, given back in various forms of service to the city, learned so much about myself and that crazy thing we call life, and formed irreplaceable relationships with people who know the definition of what it means to be radiant and alive. I've seen the way the people of this city celebrate brokenness, wear it like a beautiful crown instead of a scar. I am inspired.


I will be honest. I don't have the next step figured out. It doesn't mean I am lost. I am still afraid, and my humanity shines through every crack. But I am a better, stronger person after being here. I feel like my heart has been rewired, my eyes washed clean, my mind made afresh. Saying goodbye will be difficult, but all I can do now is truly enjoy my last few weeks here and let these people know that they have changed me, left a permanent mark on my heart. There is no time for getting tangled in petty arguments or worrying about the small stuff. There is only time for love, for thankfulness, for looking around me not with my human eyes, but through God's lens and seeing the Belovedness that is in everyone.


"Time is lost when we have not lived a full human life, time unenriched by experience, creative endeavor, enjoyment, and suffering."
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer 


"Surrender all your battles. It's only love that makes us matter."


Bless you all.
Katie


P.S- Thursday is my Birthday. Feel free to mail cupcakes or a puppy.

God is Doin a Nu Thang...You know he's doin it yall

Hope everyone is having a fun, relaxing start to Summer and  the opportunity to be around water. New Orleans is unfolding its thick blanket of humidity over us all as I head into the last leg of my YAV year. (Can’t believe it!!!!) Crawfish boils and swimming pools- I am so there.

After finally reading and thoroughly enjoying Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz, I decided to read more of his stuff. He has a very unique writing style, which can be distracting but overall, I appreciate how he writes exactly what he’s thinking and feeling. He has some honest questions about human beings and why they are the way they are.  I am currently reading his Searching for God Knows What, which is basically his perspective on the bible.  He talks about the story of Adam and Eve and the Fall:

“If man was wired so that something outside himself told him who he was, and if God’s presence was giving him a feeling of fulfillment, then when that relationship was broken, man would be pining for other people to tell him that he was good, right, okay with the world and eternally secure.”

            To me, this concept paints an accurate portrait of the way we live our lives today. We find it difficult to love ourselves and others because we are busy comparing things to every individual out there, and thus our souls our exhausted with the constant competition. Just a simple example when you think about it, Miller points out that thousands of people show up to a basketball game simply to see which team plays better than other. Thousands of us watch reality shows like American Idol and Celebrity Apprentice, shows where one person gets the glory of a trophy and a title.  Human beings are fascinated and consumed with this concept of winning approval from others. All of our choices and emotions seem to boil down to how another human being see us as worthy, as if we are balanced by this invisible scale that measures one’s true value. And if we feel others don’t see us as worthy we begin to unravel and become depressed, insecure, hopeless. Our lives cluttered and clouded with illusion.  Like we are trying to reverse the Fall. 

Are we truly no longer capable of  being who we were created to be, equal in the eyes of the one who made us? Can you imagine the moment you were created, to simply know that you are the Beloved without needing any outside affirmation? Then to look beside you as Adam did when he first saw Eve and see that same Belovedness in another human being? I can hardly imagine such a raw, true feeling. I am innately wired to always be searching for that perfect relationship with God that can mend what is broken inside me, fill in this space that seems forever incomplete. The temptation will always be there, this obsessive need to turn to other beings for some sort of approval that I am okay, that I am secure, that I am fitting the bill. The temptation roars through societies and cultures across the earth. So many people born into the world without that sense of Belovedness, forced to leave the fate of their precious lives in the hands of equally fragile human beings.

Miller also talks about War, something that weighs heavier on my heart each day. He brings up painful images of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, of the children screaming in the streets, of the aftermath. So many innocent lives destroyed, a story that is all too familiar. He states:

“War is complicated. It isn’t black and white. This is what the Bible teaches. And I thought about that for a long time and realized it meant all our civilizations, our personalities, our families, our souls, are walking through the wreckage of a war, running from Tokyo, running from Hiroshima, our mouths gaping, the fire burning behind us…This is Sarajevo all over again, only this time it’s the walls of our hearts that are littered with bullet holes, it’s our souls that are feeling the aftershock.”

I’ve been sitting with these words, and the powerful emotions they bring up out of me, this ache for all human beings and their suffering, flesh on flesh wars filling our history books. Many walk around with physical distortions as a result of war, physiological trauma, and even deeper the war within that Miller is getting at: the bullet holes lodged deep in our hearts shaking our souls. All stemming from that first attack of a perfect and innocent kingdom: The Garden of Eden.

 I am a small human being, a single spoke in the wheel that turns the world, but I can’t help but wonder if this is what was really meant for us. These burdens we carry around, these wars we can't stop fighting. I can barely wrap my mind around God and the Fall and the fate of the human race because of the pain that bubbles up. It may not be up to me to solve it before brunch tomorrow, and the funny thing is as a human being, I seem to be programmed to be curious about things I can’t possibly ever fully comprehend. However, I feel like the more I think about where human tendencies really stem from, the richer my life can become as I aim to reconcile revelations with tangible experiences. 

On a lighter note, please visit this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MUVNuD3MiU for the YouTube video that inspired the title of this post. Make sure you are somewhere where you can laugh loudly and obnoxiously.

“If we could muster a portion of the patriotism that we feel toward our earthly nations into a bravery in concert with the kingdom of God, the enemy would claim fewer casualties for sure”

-Donald Miller

“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever. It’s to create something that will.”- Chuck Palahniuk 

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, Let it Be.

-

Wow. What a week it has been. Tornadoes ravage my home state, a major enemy of the United States is killed, and of course, William and Kate get hitched! (Still waiting on my invite; thanks, Elton, for taking it.) Social networks, newspapers, and various other media sites are exploding with articles, debates, opinions, and reactions (and more than a few humorous parodies of these events). Everyone's got something to say, including me (read on!), and all this information is enough to make my head spin in a creepy Twilight Zone fashion. In addition, apart from all this madness, my own quarter-life crisis roars on within the confines of my heart. The future, my purpose, my issues in my present work place and community . . . all typical things considered by Yoda.

As I live and serve in a city that it still rebuilding from a natural disaster that happened over 5 years ago, my heart reaches out to all those grieving and struggling back home in Alabama. The outpouring of love and support is beginning in great multitudes, and I hope to be an ongoing part of it. During my trip home, I was reminded of how lucky and blessed I am to still have my house standing, to still have my loved ones alive. So many people lost everything in the storms. Hundreds of people are still missing. I cannot imagine the pain and anxiety over not knowing where a loved one is, of standing in this wreckage of the life you had made for yourself wondering what to do next?  It is very humbling to me, to realize how temporary material things in this world can be, and we must invest not with money but in the wealth of relationships, and be thankful for all moments spent with the people we love. With all the distractions in this world, it is easy to forget what life is truly about at its core. For right now as I head into the final months of my term in New Orleans, I will keep praying for all those affected and hope that like New Orleans, the many cities damaged will be able to rebuild, recover, and rejoice.

In other news, there is the death of Osama Bin Laden. (Not “Obama.” Fox News Headline, I'm looking at you.) In reading all the articles and debates and coverage of this historic moment, I find myself struggling with my own personal reaction to this event and how to reconcile it with my own Faith, moral compass, and citizenship that ties me to this country. I would be lying if I said seeing all the Americans dancing in the streets and their passionate cries of USA! USA! USA! did not slightly disturb me. I am painfully aware that my fellow Americans serving in other countries are having to constantly deal with the consequences of the negative image our nation produces. I realize everyone's reason for celebration is more about beginning the road to peace and not necessarily the actual death of another human being. But, can one human being's death, no matter how blinded that person was by hate in their lifetime, really be a stepping stone to peace? Are we not just continuing to turn the wheel of violence, an eye for an eye, a ping pong game of attacks that require counter attacks? What will break this vicious cycle of human beings turning against each other? How can we dissolve this strange assumption in our fragile minds that one person has more of a right to be on this earth than another person, that one life holds more value than another life? Jesus told us to pray for our enemies, as tempting as it is to fight them off and walk away victorious with pride carefully intact. It is in the most difficult times that test our patience and weigh heavy on our hearts that we are called to move our perspective to outside ourselves. "Faced with the death of a man,” the Roman Catholic Church states, “a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibility of everyone before God and man, and hopes and pledges that every event is not an opportunity for a further growth of hatred, but of peace."

So this leaves us where? The questions begin to pile up in massive mounds in the valleys of my mind. Is there a formula for a peaceful world, and if so are we following all the right steps? Or maybe there is no formula, no drawn map, no beaming torches to guide the way. Perhaps somewhere along the journey we are meant to be brave enough to Love even in the face of frustration and anger, even when the desire for revenge runs deep in our bones.

Please keep in your prayers the people affected by the storms and everyone in this world burdened with pain and despair. I see it so often, especially in the eyes of the homeless men and women that come through First Pres each week. It is very easy to give up trying, to force oneself to stop caring, to want to no longer deal with the constant rejection, red tape, and hoops that life can require.  But, we also find ourselves in unexpected moments where joy burrows deep through the passageways of our hearts. A child coloring a funny face on a piece of paper and handing it you saying, “It’s yours!” Someone genuinely thanking you for a simple act, like typing a resume or handing them a sack lunch for the day. I've never heard "God Bless You" more times than during the homeless program each week. It is in these moments we see the hope shining through the cracks of the caves we feel trapped inside. It is THESE little things, rather than large violent acts burning with justice and power, that are the true stepping stones to peace.

And after all, William and Kate proved that Disney fairy tales are real! Kidding. Even Kate Middleton probably looks less than ravishing without makeup (I can only hope).

Excited because tonight my fellow YAVs and I are off to see the musical adaptation of Nine Lives by Dan Baum, a book everyone should read that weaves the fascinating story of unique characters living in Nawlins. Will let you know how that goes! WOO Arts

-Katie-

*The thoughts shared in all my blog entries do not represent the views or beliefs of the Young Adult Volunteer Program, rather, they are just my own personal opinions.

In The Hard Places

I have been stressing out a great deal lately about pretty much the whole balance of the universe: My future, anxieties about whether I am doing enough, my friends' struggles, where this country is going, all the unheard voices of the world, whether or not I am living it right, you name it. Many nights I don't find sleep because all the pain in this world is a weight pressing against me, flattening me out. The most human part of me wants to solve, to analyze, to fix, to appease, and I can't seem to stop myself from throwing questions at God, demanding concrete solutions and answers.  I keep telling myself to relax, to have Faith, to pray without ceasing, but many times my frustrations overwhelm me, and I just go into mini panic attacks. I am lucky and blessed beyond belief to have a loving family and supportive friends to help me during these times. I am thankful, so thankful.


The most recent chapter in our Discernment book that my fellow YAVs and I are reading is titled "In The Hard Places." This title is quite relevant to where a lot of us are right now. Whether we are struggling with current issues in our lives or figuring out where we fit come August, each of us has many questions and fears. The unknown is meant to be exciting yes, but for many it just seems absolutely terrifying. I am blessed to have many options and opportunities, but I want God to send me a lightning bolt down to earth saying "Yes pick that choice. I like that one." As if I'm asking a friend which tablecloth looks better. What a crazy human being I am to be begging clear, easy outs from a God that simply asks that we have some Faith in him. I am reminded of the passage of 1 Samuel where he is called in the middle of the night by the Lord to get up and go. I can only imagine that fear that must have shivered through him that night. Now, I ask myself: Am I willing to get up and go?

We recently had our Spring Retreat in the thriving metropolis of Poplarville, Mississippi. We were able to do a bit of discerning and worship against a gorgeous backdrop of lakes, blooming pink flowers, and endless woods. It was wonderful just to seep into that organic feel of nature amidst squirrels scurrying around and lizards doing push-ups on logs. I talked to God honestly and openly, like he was sitting right beside me in the leaves.


"At times we drift in our lives. Amid the uncertainty and suspense of not knowing, or the sheer tedium of things remaining the same, we can learn to keep our eyes wide open, scanning the horizon of our experience. Like Noah we may have to do this for a long time until at last some green sprig signals,"'There's land ahead.'" 
-Quote from The Way of Discernment


I just finished reading Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz. I've been meaning to read it for years, and am so glad I finally did. There are so many beautiful lessons about what it means to love ourselves, other people, and God even in those tough places. He throws in a little offbeat humor too, because where we would be without laughter (Believing in God is not unlike the radars inside of Penguins on when to hatch their eggs. Oh Penguins, you explain everything).  Perhaps I will explore my thoughts on the book further in a future blog post. I am about to start other works by him. Great food for thought during this Faith journey of mine.
          
For now, as I ride the waves of uncertainty and doubt, I find myself just whispering steadily "Here I Am, Lord."

For now, I am thankful for these people!

Motivation: You're a pterodactyl.

-Katie



"The human mind may devise many plans, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established."
Proverbs 19:21

Lent-Spring Cleaning of the Soul. Aka I can wear matching socks again!

.

Serious Blog Hiatus. I partly blame Mardi Gras, and I partly blame life for just picking me up and sweeping me away into its winds. As Spring brings its icky pollen to ignite my allergies as well as delightful warm weather and sunshine, I feel a new dawn rising up inside of me.

My roommates and I have done been doing some serious Spring Cleaning in our apartment: vacuuming/mopping with 7 different types of Swiffer products, cleaning out drawers overflowing with unworn clothes and crumpled receipts and Ew was that a french fry at one point? I am having a lot of "A ha!" moments. My other earring that I thought was gone forever! 17 Teeth Whitening Strips I don't remember buying! The Swiffer Vacuum charger that my desk apparently ate! We can finally clean with it! And then there are all those poor lonely socks desperately missing their companions under the darkness and dustiness of my bed. It's a tiring, ongoing process, but it feels amazing. As the last debris of Mardi Gras is swept off the streets, and the reflective Season of Lent is upon us I feel it is time for official spring cleaning of my soul. Putting on my mask, dawning my rubber gloves, and going in...

It is the practice of Lent to give up something. I have thought long and hard about what I should do. I could give up staring at Facebook for hours, eating chocolate, fast food, meat, etc. All of these are generally unhealthy practices when done in excess, and I could definitely benefit from taking a break from them. BUT, simply giving up one of these does not seem to wire my heart and mind to truly understand Lent. Kathy, our wonderful site coordinator, asked us as a group of YAVs to take up a Lenten discipline in which every time we have negative thoughts about someone else to write it on a piece of paper and put it away. I like this idea of adopting a practice/discipline in order to delve into God's will for us.

Through journaling and reflecting these past few weeks, I have been finding quite a few lost socks under the bed, so to speak. As the painful feelings I have towards myself, others, and my community arise within me, I write them down, I look at them, and then I let them go. It's difficult to put these thoughts away because I want so badly to cling to my pride, to put up my shield and protect myself. It is so easy and fun to gossip, to stand on our pedestals and laugh at others when they are vulnerable, to proclaim that we are right and everyone else must meet us where we are. It may be a two way street, but if we look around we see that many of us are standing on our separate corners refusing to budge.  God asks us to put down our weapons, to put down our shields, and to put down our pride.  "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this word, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing, and perfect will." Romans 12:2.

It is is becoming evident to me that if we don't clean out our hearts and minds in the same way we clean out our closets and bedrooms, a lot of mess begins to pile up inside of us. The clutter puts a film over our eyes and keeps us from seeing ourselves and others the way God sees us. We get caught up in the tangles of life, and one day we wake up and realize something is missing. We need both socks to make a complete pair, both earrings, both shoes. In taking this journey with Jesus through the Lenten season, we are cleaning out all the negative clutter under our hearts to find the missing components of ourselves that keep us from fully living out God's will.

"But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard - things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. "
Galatians 5:22-23

Continue to keep the people of Japan in your prayers. You can donate money to the relief fund Here. And also, for all the people of the world suffering from physical wars and the wars within their own hearts, my prayers and love go out to you.

Comment and tell me how the Season of Lent is affecting you. I would love to continue this conversation. After all, as Presbyterians, we are all about our conversations. :)

God Bless,
Katie

Straight from my Heart

This week has been incredibly stressful and difficult for me, but at the same time, extremely important in figuring out my purpose and future. The need for young children to receive quality education and specialized attention and guidance is becoming more and more apparent to me than ever before. I have had several conversations in the past few weeks about how so many children are born into unfortunate circumstances and are not getting the proper education they deserve. We cannot keep turning our back on this. I see it here especially in New Orleans through the tutoring program I am involved with each week and the conversations I have had with other people involved in educating children in poor areas. 

After Katrina, many kids had to take months off of school and as a result, were extremely behind in their reading level and other learning areas upon returning. Teachers are overwhelmed with large numbers of students especially those that are deemed as distracting and unruly. With no positive motivation and confined in the chains of poverty, each child's self-esteem plummets, and they lose their motivation at an early age. Many kids are alone in their houses until late hours of the night. Others are one of many siblings and often feel abandoned, neglected.  Furthermore, some parents even encourage their children to act out in school, so they will receive money for their kids being in Special Education. The truths are startling and have been taking a heavy toll on me these past few days. School teachers across the country are tirelessly working and making real differences during the school day, but it can be overwhelming. And that is where I come in, as a mentor/tutor to give those children the individualized attention and time they deserve and need.


Even more troubling to me are recent news articles about the government's plan to cut volunteer, and education programs such as AmeriCorps across the country. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/12/house-gop-budget-plan-tar_n_822364.html) I am applying to be an AmeriCorp next year through a program where I can be a mentor to kids and lead after school programs. But if all volunteer/service programs are cut it will be even more difficult for me to pursue this passion and more importantly, communities will lose valuable assets and gateways to positive change. I don't want to use this blog as a platform to go on a political rant, but I will say this country needs to rethink where its priorities are. We spend billions of dollars on war and defense while our own country struggles to deliver proper education to its own people. I know it is not a black or white situation, and I understand the government has many factors to consider and debate. The truth is real people and real lives are at stake. I can't just sit back and watch their struggles fall to the waste side. So many volunteer programs provide hope for the hopeless and are drastically changing poverty and education deficits everywhere. Thousands of young people are willing to live in poor areas for no pay and in exchange receive help in furthering their own education. Think about all the good things that can come out of this for this country, its people, and the world!!

I struggle with where our money and time is going and have been praying that people will soon realize it's not even about politics or parties or taking sides. It is so much more than that. At the end of the day, after we all have gotten on our soap box (myself included) this is about the importance of individual lives and the radical idea that we can ignite hope where this is despair if we stop for reevaluation. 

I've seen it first hand. I see it, walk around with the devastation, the scars, the suffering these people are met with every day. I only wish my experience was one that everyone could go through. Seeing all the hoops people have to jump through just to obtain decent, affordable housing. Being put on hold for hours on the phone with that very real feeling of no one being there but a dial tone. Children falling through the cracks. All the myths and misconceptions that surround homelessness, poverty, and education are brought to my attention every single day. I attended a Stopping Crime panel with the members of the NOPD and District Attorney's office present. Disgruntled community members expressed their anger over the disconnect between the government and the citizens of the community. The panel said they recognize this and they are working towards fixing it. I have seen lives touch lives in New Orleans. These people have their hearts on their sleeves. I know change is possible in this city.


Despite all this brokenness I see around me, and the raw desperateness of the situations I have encountered, I truly believe my generation has the power to propel us into a new dawn. Through social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter (although they do eat my time like pacman) I see young people expressing themselves about movements they are involved in and raising their voices about issues they feel strongly about. Being a part of the YAV program, I am blessed enough to be connected to 80 something other passionate, service-minded volunteers who are currently around the world attempting to make their mark, to let people know that we are here, we are not giving up, and most importantly WE CARE. 

Don't for a second,  underestimate the power of love. Love is often difficult, love is the higher road, and love is the only way we can move forward in this world. I am not saying that tomorrow we will all hold hands across communities and nations and sing Kumbayah together, but I do think to strive for anything less than that is a disservice to humanity. If we keep taking a backseat and accepting things as inevitable and awful, we cease to live, we become faithless, and our lives are drained of all meaning. It IS possible for us to remove ourselves from our tiny sheltered boxes and look out around us with open hearts and eyes. Despite all the bad we see, there is so much good in this world, and we must hold on to that and spread it like wildfire. This world is not an ugly, bad place. It is simply a canvas of potential that cannot, will not be reached by pessimism and resistance but a constant outpouring of radical, all-encompassing, unconditional love.


I know what I am saying may sound over the top/crazy optimistic/wildly liberal,insert adj here. In addition, I recognize I have much to learn and improve upon within myself. However, I am speaking from my heart. Living here in New Orleans has opened me up to what is happening while millions of us cloak ourselves in the comforting fabric of denial. While I will never know the true horror of what some of these families have been through, felt what they have felt, I can see it written on their faces, and I will never be the same because of it. This city with all its crime, injustice, poverty, and ever present love is changing me, changing me every second. I will continue to pray and listen for God in the noise and the silence to guide me forward even if I shake with fear in every step.


It's been an emotional past few days, but I know more than ever I want to help children see that they do have potential. Helping these troubled kids living in difficult situations takes a great deal of patience and is not easy and is often a long, uphill road. However, I am one more person committed to this cause. If I can make one child believe they have a future, that their lives do matter, that they can rise above the confinements of their situations, then my purpose on this earth is fulfilled. I hope each of you continue to search your hearts and when your answers lead to more questions, know that we will get there. God is there. God is always there.



Katie

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Discerning "The Next Step" while walking in the present.

In my last entry, I briefly mentioned figuring out "The Next Step." In the past few weeks, I have been frantically Google searching where I want to go in August. I mulled over many options in the months since I've been here (Graduate program for some kind of professional writing, Seminary, more volunteering, etc.)  Right now, I  am thinking about doing a program through AmeriCorp next year where I would mentor kids in reading and facilitate various after school programs for them. I want to go live somewhere new (California is first on my list).  I am continually praying and looking at all my options to see where I am needed most.

At the famous establishment Tipitinas seeing a real Mardi Gras Indian perform!

It's funny how God works. The more I search and discern and ponder what will happen next year, the more I am brought back to my present life in New Orleans and how much this experience is defining where I go from here. After all, it's hard to build a future without looking around and seeing what's making you happy now.  I have fallen in love and grown quite attached to the people here and can feel that New Orleans spirit that's about as loud and joyous as the brass bands that were born inside the city walls. Mardi Gras hasn't even begun!

This is Leslie, the adorable 2nd grader I tutor twice a week through the STAIR program.

The reason I want to spend a year focusing on mentoring and helping kids who are struggling with reading is because I have discovered how much I love tutoring. I tutor a 2nd grade girl named Leslie twice a week through the STAIR program. We read books together and work on basic literacy and reading comprehension skills. It can be particularly challenging at times and takes a great deal of patience but the rewards are wonderful. I love seeing a smile light up her face when I tell her she's going onto the next reading unit and cherish the overwhelming sense of accomplishment when she finally writes a sentence correctly that we've been working on together. I enjoy finding creative, interesting ways to get her to learn concepts. Making even the smallest difference by forming a positive relationship with this little girl has been a highlight of my time spent in New Orleans.

My roommate Tasha and I with our Mentors, Shirley and Catina, who both attend Faith Pres!

Furthermore, as I step back and look at the big picture of my present life, I realize I am lucky and blessed beyond believe to be a part of two unique, wonderful church congregations. These people are teaching me that it's not about doing every little thing right, it's not about being superwoman. It's about being here, being apart of these people's lives and binding my struggles with theirs, it's about presence and it's about listening (the real kind of listening that involves empathy and understanding), it's about learning things I never thought I would and challenging myself to be a part of something bigger, it's about putting my whole heart into everything I do and trusting God with everything I have. It's the feeling I get when I hear Pastor Jayne's voice leading the homeless men, women, and children in the song, "Standing in the Need of Prayer." It's about the genuine hug and smile I get from Pastor Ron as soon I walk in the door at Faith. It's the laughter of my roommates when one of us breaks the ice cream scoop in half. Oh yeah. And it's about love.  Love love love. A whole lot of love. 


And that love is not always easy. I have found that community is not something to be taken lightly, for it makes a deep mark on our hearts and people's struggles are becoming as real to me as they are to those who suffer from them. Frustration consumes me at not being able to do enough for those around me, to do it right, to fix it, to make it better. But as I search for the answers, the "next steps" in my own life, the right things to do for others, I bring myself back to here, back to now, back to God. I am but one small instrument in this orchestra of humanity. And as Rob Bell says in one of his inspirational videos, it's not a question of what song you are playing, it's about whether or not you are in tune.

Katie

"May you come to see that the song is written on your heart. And as you live in tune with the song, in tune with creator of the universe, may you realize that you ARE in relationship with the living God."

-Rob Bell

A Work in Progress.

Happy new year friends!! We are blessed to see another one. I have been on a slight hiatus from blogging due to the holidays and attempting to swing back into the new year. Apple is currently holding my laptop hostage, so it could be awhile before I have regular access to a computer. But luckily I am able to use the computers at my respective churches; thus, I  am stealing a little time to blog!

I felt such immense joy while I was home for the holidays, and was thankful for precious time with family and friends. I am so blessed to have all those loves in my life, and I am more grateful for them each year I grow older. However, it did feel a little strange being back. I am feeling caught in between places. I have roots home in Alabama, ties in South Carolina where I attended college, and I am now forming a new community here in New Orleans. While I am blessed to have the opportunity to be connected with many different people, I often feel torn in many directions. Pieces of me are scattered everywhere, and I am without a true center. Additionally, working at two different churches amidst the stress of a new year increases this feeling of being pulled and stretched too thin.


With each day, I am learning that God can be that center, fill that aching hole that  forms when one is simply worn ragged. If there is anything I have learned in these last few months it is that wherever I go, whatever I am doing I will not be truly happy unless I allow myself to bring my restlessness, my doubts, my anxiousness, and my fears back to God. I can clutter my life with so many things, so many activities, so many ways of living, so many desires that I think are the answer to the chaos inside of me.  But in the end, I must trust God above all. To hear his voice rise above earth's static, and weave all that noise in our lives into a symphony that speaks to the true depth and cadence of human nature.


At the start of this new year, I feel that initial momentum, the familiar thoughts of THIS WILL BE THE YEAR. THE NEW ME. I will be a changed, marvelous person who exercises every day, eats insanely healthy, is super productive, follows through with all commitments, exhibits punctuality, reads scriptures everyday, and finally achieves self-actualization and a lifetime of bliss. Then December rolls around and the guilt and shame tumble over me, and I feel like a complete and total failure. Does this cycle sound familiar to anyone out there? I know many people who refuse to make resolutions because of these reasons.


I am at a terrifying, exciting, time in my life. People are constantly asking me "What's next?" When I give them a blank stare and say "Stay tuned," they are clearly not satisfied with this answer and seem to almost feel sorry for me.  I can't even tell you what will happen to me tomorrow, much less come August. As grim as the future can look to me at times, I am trying to relish this feeling that I can go anywhere I want to go from here, be whoever I choose to be. Yes, there are obstacles, limitations, restrictions, but I want to take my time and figure out where my needs and gifts can best serve the world. I am a work in progress and thankful for that. The most important thing about "what's next" is that I am happy and can find meaning in what I am doing. Small things with great love as Mother Teresa said.


All that being said, I don't think I'll be making any dazzling new years resolutions this year. I don't want a "new me" but rather find the me that I've been running away from. I want to spend my months growing as an individual through various false starts, mistakes,setbacks and successes, realigning my inner compass, and living with this realization that happiness is a spiritual state of being that occurs only when God is the center, the driving force of all that I do. It is not an easy way, but I am more than ready.


Please keep the YAVs in Tucson in your prayers and all those affected by the recent tragedy. We must remember God is with us.


Peace,
Katie

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.  -Hal Borland

The Season of Waiting

Tis the Season...to be overloaded, overwhelmed, and stressed out. Don't get me wrong I do get a subtle thrill from Tacky Christmas Sweater parties, corny yet comforting Christmas music blaring from speakers all around me, and all the holiday glitz and glamor that floods our lives this time of year. However, this year, as I begin to feel that familiar tug into a frazzled, frantic holiday state of mind I am stopping to remind myself of something. While thousands of us struggle to  prepare for the holidays amidst a grim economy and political turmoil, something is happening in the church. It's the Season of Advent, the Season of Waiting.


I was lucky enough to make it home for a few days this past Thanksgiving and even got to go to my lovely home church of Edgewood. Sid, my super awesome pastor, preached an inspiring sermon on waiting that really got me thinking. My thoughts continued when I saw the cover of the Presbyterian Outlook magazine: An hour glass with the title: Learning to Wait. Our brains, our bodies have been programmed not to wait. Whenever we find ourselves in line at a store we immediately pull out our phones or grab a magazine, desperate for something to occupy us so we won't be stuck with ourselves. Just like Sid said in his sermon, we flock to those flashing NO WAITING signs in restaurants, malls, and coffee shops. Anything, anything, to keep us from stopping, from standing still, from taking a break and just being alone with ourselves and God.


This may sound rather silly, but I was waiting for something to download on the computer the other day and decided to challenge myself to simply...wait for it. Sitting there staring at the screen I felt my heart begin to pound, my knees begin to shake, and my mind beginning to go into to overdrive. I couldn't believe how hard my body was fighting what seemed like such a simple task!  Could it be that I have submerged myself so deep in sensory overload that my brian literally does not know what to do when I make it just sit there? Thoughts bubbled to the top of the ocean in my head, conflicts that I am avoiding, things on my never ending mental to do list that have been pushed aside, and all sorts of negative feelings  that I just don't want to deal with. My life has become a defense mechanism, a series of constant distractions so I don't have to deal with the stuff buried deep. So I don't have to deal with myself or talking to God about the truth behind my feelings.


Perhaps, it is in being with ourselves that God's voice finally rises above the rest. As we wait, we realize what is really eating away at us, what is really down there inside of us. It's surprising, uncomfortable, and difficult and that is why our brains are wired to avoid such stillness. However, we confuse the practice of being still with doing nothing. And who wants to waste their time doing nothing when there is so much to do do do? But by  being with God and our thoughts we are doing far more for ourselves then the mindless actions that make up a great deal of our lives. We are finding that inner voice, realigning that inner compass, and ultimately saving ourselves from a spiritual death.


So this Season of Advent, I encourage everyone to take a break from the madness and  think about what it means to wait and actually give it a try. Your brain and your body will put up heavy resistance at first but continue through that feeling. On the other side, you will find something. Yourself.


Christ is coming. Let us not be anxious but thankful, joyful. And most importantly, let us wait.

In this IPhone generation, where does that leave the steady, thoughtfulness of prayer?

I had a fabulous YAV weekend retreat in San Antonio, Texas. We got to meet up with some other volunteers from San Antonio and Tucson. It was so great to chill out with such incredible people. I loved looking around seeing all these other eager young faces. We've all dedicated a year of our lives to service for various reasons but one thing we have in common is that we care. Listening to everyone talk about their passions, their frustrations, their concerns,etc. was so refreshing. It gives me such great hope for the future of this planet that there are young people out there who each have a social conscious and a willingness to doubt, to question,  to take action, to love, and to believe. I am blessed to know a good number of these people, and they will probably never know the far reaching impact they are having on my life.


I got to eat some delicious tex mex, go see a hilarious play written by a former YAV that shed humorous light on community living, and got to cheer on other runners at the San Antonio Rock N Roll marathon. We also got to go on a strenuous, but reflective hike. All in all an incredible weekend get away.


Now that I am back in New Orleans I've been feeling a little stuck. My days are starting to slip into a numbing routine, and I just feel restless, and unsure of what I am doing and what I should do next. There are several projects that I've talked about starting but I just can't seem to get my feet on the ground about any of them, and I am feeling rather unproductive.


Don't get me wrong, I love the people here. And they have all been unbelievably welcoming to me. Last night was great, because we had a Young Adult Gathering where a bunch of young adults of different faiths and backgrounds who are serving in the city got together and discussed ways we could network and connect with each other throughout our time here. It is exciting for me to have new friends to look forward to.


But somehow, I've still been feeling lost and confused, an outsider in my own life who is desperate to break the walls of my boxed in world. I struggle to make a difference while feeling I am only going backwards and not doing enough or the right thing. I feel shy and afraid. I see so much complication and pain and doubt around me, it just makes me want to shrink away.


It is in these confusing times, that I turn to prayer. Prayer has always been difficult for me because it often feels strange and forced, like I am not really getting anywhere. We are submerged in a society that thrives on instant gratification, immediate results. With technology and social media advancing and exploding left and right, it is hard to remember what it's like to slowly, steadily work for something. We are the generation of microwaveable meals and internet phones. If we want something we mash a button, and it's there for us. Meaningful conversations and intimate moments with each other are hard to come by because we are all huddled against our tiny glowing screens, obsessed and addicted to information that floods from our fingertips to our brains. How do we lift up our heads back to the world around us, back to God?

Prayer, I've discovered,  encourages a different way of living, goes against the direction our modern world is headed. Prayer is sincerely asking God not for some immediate physical thing you want, but strength to help discern what it is you really need amidst all the chaos and rubble that consume our lives. Prayer is not about producing instant downloadable results, but living a life by faith instead of by sight. Prayer is not a sign of weakness but a sign of willingness. A willingness to ask the big questions and trust that God is good. 
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6.


Every day is up and down, up and down. But that is how God intended it to be. For without this steady pattern, our lives would flatten out, with no space to grow, to thrive. I feel useless, scared, and overwhelmingly unsure of myself and others. But at the end of the day God has a mysterious, magnificent plan.  I don't have to know it, I just need to have faith in it.


"We can reach our world, if we will. The greatest lack today is not people or funds. The greatest need is prayer."
-Wesley Duewel

Life is in the traffic.

Traffic. A terrifying word that has begun to take over my day to day life in New Orleans where any slight wrong doing is cause for laying on the horn and driving like you are in the Grand Theft Auto video game is completely normal. Getting from point A to point B is not a simple task, but a challenging test of patience and will that eats up the hours of your day like pacman and sucks your gas tank like soda through a straw. New Orleans highways are clogged vessels that criss cross in confusing manners, overstuffed with people like a Moe's Burrito.


Today was particularly horrific. I took the interstate across the Westbank to Faith Church this morning, took it back to First Church around lunchtime, and then attempted to get home around 5:30. I probably spent the majority of my day stuck in traffic. When I got home I was shaking with frustration. But as I settled down into the evening hours, I started to put my life in perspective.


We spend our lives trying to "do what is expected of us." We bounce from point A to point B to point C and so forth. If we are privileged and lucky enough to chase it, the American Dream is ours : we go to school, we get a job, we get married, we raise a family, we retire.  Sometime the points are rearranged, sometimes they are skipped, and sometimes the unexpected happens, and we don't reach them at all. We become spokes in society's wheel that churn in circles to survive. We get so caught up in reaching each stage on time that we become overly frustrated when something diverts us from our path and causes our progress to slow. Today, after spending multiple hours stuck on the road, I realized that perhaps Life is in the traffic. It is in those in-between moments where you find yourself happiest and angriest, where the little things can make the biggest difference. Whatever the emotion, it is here you are most yourself, most alive.  In the car, I listened to all my favorite songs in a row, belting them out so loud I am sure the entire state of Louisiana was covering their ears in extreme pain. I started to mull over everything I had experienced, seen, and lived in New Orleans so for the first time since I have been here, and tears strained my eyelids while I felt a powerful sensation deep in my chest.  I discovered that these long, "miserable" car rides to work were the places where my mind got the most exercise, where I got a chance to be with just myself, God,my fears, and my dreams.


Tomorrow, I will attempt to wake up early, get dressed, grab a to go breakfast, head out the door, get in my car and start the long drive to work. I will most likely be met with a horrific stand still on I-10 that will last all the way across the Westbank bridge and it will probably take me close to an hour go only a few miles. I will be surrounded by other frustrated cranky people who are worried about being late for work and other engagements. I am not saying I won't get frustrated ever again while spending half my days on the crowded, congested highways of New Orleans. However, I hope to progressively learn to use this time to  appreciate the "in betweens" of life where love seeps in and things get messy, unpredictable, awful, and wonderful. The roadways that lead us to each success and failure keep us connected to the roots of living. Our lives are a gift from God. Once we try to reduce them to mere rungs on ladder, we lose that gift.


Life is in the traffic.


And that is why my novel in progress (tentatively titled Newton's Laws for Living) involves an epic road trip. Maybe I'll post an excerpt if people are lucky ;)

An Unexpected and Wonderful Inspiration.

Today, I received some particularly inspiring words of wisdom from a woman named Maria who attends one of the churches where I volunteer here in New Orleans. Maria is someone who has God’s love shining through every crack and crevice. Despite all the struggles she has experienced (and there have been many), her faith in God remains the driving force in her life. Whenever I see her and ask how she is doing, each time, without fail, she simply smiles and says, “God is good. God is good.”

Maria sat down across from me while I was in the church office, and I assumed we were going to go through the normal, polite “get to know you” small talk. However, she began by saying that she admired me for being so willing to listen for God’s voice. She said that since Katrina, she hadn’t seen many young women like me devote their lives to service and God’s call. These words meant so much to me. Lately, I have been feeling frustratingly small in a big, big world. The little mundane tasks I do every day have made me restless and worry whether I am actually making a difference or doing anything right at all. But Maria’s words comforted me and made me remember why I came to New Orleans in the first place—to do God’s work, to share God’s love. And as long as this love remains the core of each task I perform, then that is all that matters.

She also looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Don’t let anyone else get in the way of you. Put God first but don't forget about yourself. Dream. Travel. I know you are taking some time to find yourself and that is confusing, but you will find who you are. If you remember anything, remember to choose a profession that you love, that makes you happy. Life is more than just about making a dollar. So many people out there think that life isn’t worth living, and that is a sad thing because God is good.”

That advice is priceless. And to think that she said it to me so frankly and unexpectedly, not knowing the profound impact this she has on me. It was a breath of fresh air, a reassurance that God works in mysterious ways, and I am here for a reason. I told her about my passion for writing, and I have always been scared of following it for fear it will produce no money or that I will never be good enough. However, I am starting to see the  truth of this fear is only as true as I let it be. Being here in New Orleans and talking to such a beautiful person like Maria is making me realize how you have to stay connected to that place burrowed deep inside your heart that makes you truly happy. No matter what external forces are raging their wars against you. That's where God is. That's where the love is kept. That's where you are.


I've got about 6,000 words of my novel down. Not bad for 3 days. Trying to shut down the pestering internal editor and to just write freely, letting those words come no matter how insane they look on the page. As crazy as this whole novel in a month thing is I am loving it already. The characters are having strange impulses; thus creating subplots I didn't know imaginable. Awesome! Thank you NaNoWriMo, for opening up a door inside I have been unable to unhinge for most of my life. It's about to get tough in the next couple weeks as I crank out words left and right, but I am hanging in there!


My parents are coming to visit this weekend. So excited to see them! I need a taste from home. Overall, things are well. Laughing a TON, which is great. Getting busy yes. Starting a youth group from scratch for both of my churches is going to be hard, along with stepping outside of my comfort zone and juggling various other tasks, but Maria's presence and her words continually echo in my mind, tiny lanterns lighting my path. "God is good. God is good..."

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. "
-Denis Waitley

Discovered Passions batter baked with Lessons for Living icing=A Blog Cupcake

"Writing a novel in a month is both exhilarating and stupid, and we would all do well to invite a little more spontaneous stupidity into our lives."
This is a quote from the National Novel Writing month website, which you should totes check out (www.nanowrimo.org).  Yes, I am participating in this exhilarating stupidity. Starting November 1, I along with other absolutely crazy, yet passionately devoted writers across the country will embark on a month long writing marathon. 50,000 words in 30 days. Can I do it? I have always wanted to write a book, so why not let this be my first shot at it? I know there are tons of people who toss the idea of writing a published novel out into the air every day. OK and less than 1% actually do it. However, I have come to realize that writing is a part of me, just like a toe or a kneecap or a nose hair. My drawers at my room at home are filled with so many journals I have kept growing up.  Little bits and pieces of stories and poems and lyrics are like dust bunnies cluttering the cracks of corners of anywhere I have ever lived.  I am constantly conjuring up characters, plots, phrases mentally describing my surroundings. Words just fascinate me. I love writing. There. I said it. And now it is time to do something about this passion, despite every insane obstacle that will stand in my way. And what better place to do it then in the wonderfully upside down, unique city of New Orleans!! So please support me in this lofty endeavor!


Lately I have been drawn to the joy children bring into my life. I got to babysit three adorable children last weekend, am continuing to teach children's Sunday School each week at both my respective churches, am tutoring a wonderful little girl named Leslie twice a week, and continually play with the children that come to the homeless ministry. As taxing as the little ones can be on our nerves and patience, I find that we can learn so much from children if we simply watch and listen. They look at the world with such fresh intensity, such untouched awe. They are frighteningly honest (sometimes make you rethink your fashion choices.) with their questions. I think as we grow older we tend to stop our questioning, simply accept things, and just throw in the towel as cynical pessimists. We become tortoises slugging through life, weighted down by our constraining beliefs we have grown too accustomed to. But, I think it is worthwhile to learn from all the curious young ones out there that we should never stop questioning, never stop doubting, and never fully give up searching. Because it is only through this ongoing, often times frustrating process that we allow ourselves to be renewed again and again. Each baby step, each slight inch forward, brings us closer to truth after truth. These truths will transform the world that we are a part of into something chaotic at times but beautiful always.


Children have pure joy in their hearts that infectiously radiates to their surroundings. Being around little kids pries open this closed valve in my heart, perhaps a part of me that I hold back in many "normal" situations. I love pushing my imagination to the farthest edge of possibility, inventing whole other worlds to scamper around inside, doing things that are silly and ridiculous but just FUN. Kids put their whole heart into everything they do, and we could benefit from doing the same. I feel like our daily routines have become spiders that catch us like flies, tangling us in their stifling web of structure and rules and limitations. We are buried under deadlines and to-do lists, putting on this stoic front to the world so no one knows we are stretched like rubber bands ready to snap. We forget that our hearts desperately need to let loose, to stretch their cramped legs once a while. To pretend to be an evil vampire or a princess fairy, to make cupcakes with ingredients that don't follow a recipe, to dance to a song about dinosaurs with complete abandon, to be enamored and completely happy by one simple toy. To run around, to get dirty, messy, tainted without worry of what consequences will happen or what judgments will be made as a result of our actions. To just be alive. We survive, "make it through" every day, but we forget to live.


And just one smile, one laugh from a child, and my heart melts a little around the edges, like a piece of paper touching a flame.  Sure they drive you crazy...when then they howl and scream or say something rude or stubbornly refuse to listen to you. But at the end of the day, I am thankful for every moment, good or bad, I get to spend playing with or talking to kids. Because I am reminded about what life can be like if you let yourself not only push through it, but taste it, reach out at it, experience it fully.


After all these life lessons have been shot out at you readers from my mind cannon, I would like you to remember the most important one that glows among the coals. Sometimes, it is enough just to be. The power of presence is underestimated in a society that begs and pleads and stresses us to do do do day in and day out. At the end of the day, when our actions seem fruitless, we are called by God...to simply be. Our presence is a mere miracle in itself, and there are moments we must let this understanding speak for itself.

Food For Thought...Munch. Munch.

It is a lazy Sunday afternoon here at the Blue House. Football is on the TV as usual! My roommates and I are watching the Saints. I hope they play better than Bama did yesterday because I can't handle both my football teams losing in one weekend! But I suppose the cookie will crumble the way it will crumble.

One highlight of this past week is that I am starting to be an after-school tutor for underprivileged children twice a week with the STAIR program. The kids are all in second grade and absolutely adorable. We basically help them with their writing and reading comprehension skills. These kids do me a much greater service than I do them. Kids have such wild imaginations, and I love watching and listening to their profound insight into the world around them. I also am happy to be a positive influence in their weekly lives. It is definitely a treasured component of my weekly routine.


This past week I got the pleasure of meeting and hearing from Joel Tendero. He is an international peacemaker from the United Church of Christ in the Philippines. His speech to the church was quite moving. It saddens me just how much violence and corruption is occurring in their government. It is also disheartening to hear that 15 million people in his country are living on just one dollar a day! These kinds of statistics really put things into perspective for me and allow me to step outside of my comfortable, middle class upbringing. The minimum wage  in the U.S is around 7 dollars per HOUR. These people are barely surviving in a world where money goes through a clogged drain and becomes stuck in a small handful of people's pockets.  I really want to help, but it is hard to even think about where to start. Joel says sending money does not help because it can often end up in the wrong hands inside the corrupted government. However, I see such remarkable faith and optimism in Joel, and he gives me hope that these people's voices are going to be heard. A new government is coming in. I am glad the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A) is working in partnership across the seas to help this struggling country. It is important because we often get very caught up in our problems that we fail to step outside of ourselves see the lack of the distribution of wealth in this world. There is enough for everyone to get by, but people hold their wealth in such tight fists that making them unclench is a task that is better left unattended to most of us. I know I fall guiltily in this trap.


All this is not to say that we should overlook the many problems we are facing within our own country. One of the reasons I chose to be a national volunteer instead of international is that I feel it is important to remember that there are many settings within this country that are unlikely, overlooked mission fields. Five years after the storm, New Orleans becomes a faded news story as the media has moved on to more current issues, but we cannot forget those still struggling to rebuild their lives. I don't mean to say that one disaster deserves more attention than another, but we can't forget these people.  On a side note, I admire other YAVS that were willing to serve internationally in a completely different culture, and I know they are having a powerful impact on their respective countries. It is wonderful to think of how all of us that gathered at the Stony Point orientation this past August are now scattered around the world making small but steady changes that are sure to have a profound impact on a world that seems to be desperately falling apart at the seams. It gives me such great hope to know that this group of young people I am a part of can help the world move in its entirety towards some sort of realistic peace, one daily interaction at a time. Things fall apart, but the fact that they fall together in the first place supplies me with enough optimism to make it through each day.


This weekend: some of my roommates went to the Voice of the Wetlands festival in Houma. We also were commissioned by the Presbytery of South Lousiana. Emma and I participated in the Light the Night work supporting the treatment of blood cancer. Never a dull moment in beautiful,colorful, southern Louisiana!


Things are about to be very busy I think. I plan to try and start up a "Thirst for the Word" young adult program where people in their 20s and 30's can gather in a contemporary venue to discuss Theological issues. I am also going to try to start a youth group if I can find some kids. In addition it is October, which means Fall Fest and pumpkin patches galore! ( The Blue House plans to go as Mario Kart 
characters for Halloween FYI)


My life here in New Orleans is not always as happy and simple as I would like to be. I see injustice, often feel frustrated, and can feel very uncertain and out of place. Intentional community is a bigger challenge than I expected, but it is also a rewarding challenge. At the end of the day, I try to remember the people that support me and love me and am very thankful for their presence in my life.  I am lucky enough to have had a wonderful life thus far, and am humbled by this experience in New Orleans which allows me to change and transform as a person. I grow so much each day. I look forward to sharing my experience with congregations back in my hometown. 

Comment and spark thoughtful discussion if you so desire!

 “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” Marry Anne Radcmacher

My fellow YAVs and I working for Bayou Rebirth propagating some plants to help coastal restoration!

Intense gardeners!